Almost a decade ago, on a flight from Houston to New York, I found myself sitting next to a seemingly pleasant woman who introduced herself as a sales director for a large technology company. We began with a polite exchange, sharing a few details about our backgrounds and the reasons for our visits to New York. After a few minutes of conversation, I reached for my newspaper, signaling that I wanted to read quietly. But instead of taking the hint and winding down gracefully, my neighbour launched into a monologue that lasted for the entire journey.
As I left the plane, my head was throbbing with useless details of this stranger's life and I asked myself how I'd let this happen. I realized that I'd asked her that fatal question: "What do you do?" Naively, I'd assumed she would say a few things and leave me alone, instead she had regaled me with every detail of her working life, from her role and responsibilities, her results, objectives for the year, her problems, to her team, her boss, her company, its politics and culture, her ambitions and even her career history.
I clearly remember the feeling she emanated — a wave of such intensity and pressure that I just wanted to escape. But there was no getting away from her and every time I tried to stop her, she came back with more stories, so I just let her run on and on. I just watched her stressed face and listened to the unending roll-call of facts and figures, names and personalities, problems and challenges of her life.
That story came back to me with a flash last month as I walked through passport control at Zurich airport. I had had a very pleasant flight, sitting next to a young woman who had politely asked me what I did for a living. Two hours later, on the way out of the airport, I realized I had become that person who bored unsuspecting people on planes as I had talked non-stop throughout the journey with barely a break to ask her about her life.
It is very easy to be consumed by work and consequently become crashing bores. For most of us it's rare to have an hour's undivided attention to talk about our challenges and triumphs at work, and when we do get the opportunity, we tend to grab it. So it was with me that day. I have no excuse, since my work as a coach is all about listening to people — and I have a coaching supervisor who allows me to let off steam when necessary. But if you don't have a coach and your partner is really not interested in your work, in whom do you confide? Where can you take those important issues and everyday anxieties?
I have been thinking about this lately and have come to a few conclusions about what we can do to ensure we don't become too identified with work. Of course, there will always be workaholics among us who don't wish to change, and these points will not be relevant to them. But for those of us who want to maintain a reasonable balance between our life and our work, here are my thoughts:
1. Be honest about how much time you spend at work and why.
2. Manage your energy, not your time.
3. Identify and banish time-stealers.
4. Find a buddy or mentor at work.
5. Treat time outside work as sacrosanct and refresh yourself.
6. Remind yourself that you are much more than your job.
Finally, living your life well in small ways is a great way to detach yourself from work. A French colleague once explained l'art de vivre (the art of living) to me. Enjoying small things on a daily basis — such as good bread, a favourite café, lovely flowers, using a nice pen, a brisk walk home, reading a book to your child, dinner with your partner, an hour to yourself with a glass of wine ¬— will help you remain relaxed at home and ready for the challenges of work.
As I left the plane, my head was throbbing with useless details of this stranger's life and I asked myself how I'd let this happen. I realized that I'd asked her that fatal question: "What do you do?" Naively, I'd assumed she would say a few things and leave me alone, instead she had regaled me with every detail of her working life, from her role and responsibilities, her results, objectives for the year, her problems, to her team, her boss, her company, its politics and culture, her ambitions and even her career history.
I clearly remember the feeling she emanated — a wave of such intensity and pressure that I just wanted to escape. But there was no getting away from her and every time I tried to stop her, she came back with more stories, so I just let her run on and on. I just watched her stressed face and listened to the unending roll-call of facts and figures, names and personalities, problems and challenges of her life.
That story came back to me with a flash last month as I walked through passport control at Zurich airport. I had had a very pleasant flight, sitting next to a young woman who had politely asked me what I did for a living. Two hours later, on the way out of the airport, I realized I had become that person who bored unsuspecting people on planes as I had talked non-stop throughout the journey with barely a break to ask her about her life.
It is very easy to be consumed by work and consequently become crashing bores. For most of us it's rare to have an hour's undivided attention to talk about our challenges and triumphs at work, and when we do get the opportunity, we tend to grab it. So it was with me that day. I have no excuse, since my work as a coach is all about listening to people — and I have a coaching supervisor who allows me to let off steam when necessary. But if you don't have a coach and your partner is really not interested in your work, in whom do you confide? Where can you take those important issues and everyday anxieties?
I have been thinking about this lately and have come to a few conclusions about what we can do to ensure we don't become too identified with work. Of course, there will always be workaholics among us who don't wish to change, and these points will not be relevant to them. But for those of us who want to maintain a reasonable balance between our life and our work, here are my thoughts:
1. Be honest about how much time you spend at work and why.
2. Manage your energy, not your time.
3. Identify and banish time-stealers.
4. Find a buddy or mentor at work.
5. Treat time outside work as sacrosanct and refresh yourself.
6. Remind yourself that you are much more than your job.
Finally, living your life well in small ways is a great way to detach yourself from work. A French colleague once explained l'art de vivre (the art of living) to me. Enjoying small things on a daily basis — such as good bread, a favourite café, lovely flowers, using a nice pen, a brisk walk home, reading a book to your child, dinner with your partner, an hour to yourself with a glass of wine ¬— will help you remain relaxed at home and ready for the challenges of work.
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